The Loss of My Hair

Saturday, March 23, 2013

I knew losing my hair would be hard. I just didn't know how gut wrenching it would truly be. The loss of my hair for me signified the total acceptance that I have cancer. It was my outward show to the world that yes, I am sick with something that could potentially kill me.

I knew it was coming. My hair had turned dry and lost all shine. Every time I would move my head I would have piles of hair every where. Then it started to hurt. Which is not something I was expecting. But it felt like someone was stabbing my head. I went upstairs and grabbed the clippers. Told my husband it was time. He was nervous. Probably because I was sobbing hysterically and acting insane. I begged him to just do it. To get it off my head. He finally caved and I took turn throwing up with every pile of hair that showed up at my feet.

My poor husband. I can't imagine how he felt. He was so strong while I fell completely apart. When it was over I clung to him and told him how sorry I was over and over because I was now ugly. He looked me in the eyes and told me I was so beautiful. I've never loved him more than that moment.

I didn't look in the mirror for four days. It nearly killed me the first time I did. But I'm ok now. I know it's temporary and I will one day have hair again. But dang you cancer for being so crazy hard sometimes.

I am Brittany and I am not my hair. I am beautiful, caring, funny and courageous. Losing my hair has helped me dig deeper within myself. I am going to be just fine.


Jared and Trisha said...

Have I ever told you how much I love and admire you?! You are the most gorgeous person I know...with and without hair. I LOVE YOU GIRL!!

mizzdebz said...

My girlfriend with ovarian cancer just went through her second chemo treatment, and she said the same thing you did Brittany, the physical head pain was unexpected. Her stylist shaved her head after her first chemo treatment, and she showed me her bald head for the first time last night at the movies. After everyone left the theater, she took off her hat to show me her new "do". Mourning the loss of your hair is expected, but so happy you and her are here to come out on the other side of losing your hair! Your lives are SO much more important than hair! Prayers to you and your family. <><

Kelli said...

you look beautiful! xoxo

Tim and Lisa said...

You inspire me me. And Danny, you are the best. Thank you for being the man you are. We love and miss you guys.

Katie said...

You are amazing and beautiful! And that has nothing to do with your hair :)

Malissa said...

Brittany you are beautiful! I cried as I read your post. I've been checking your blog every now and then thinking about you. Guess I wasn't ready for this one. What a powerful thing to experience. You are amazing and your husband is a super hero! Hang in there. My prayers are always with you and your sweet family.

Paola Basilio said...

Way to go, Brittany! Keep that attitude and you’ll be just fine. =D Don’t stress yourself on things that are temporary in this world. Otherwise, you would be missing out on things that are much more important in life. Your hair isn’t what makes you beautiful; your bravery is what makes you shine.

Paola Basilio

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