Pick your poison!

Friday, January 11, 2013

Choosing the best way to treat my cancer is one of the toughest decisions I've ever had to make. In the end though it was extremely clear to me what I should choose.

All the side effects, the pros and cons and inconveniences faded away. There was only one thing that stood out to me and that was time. I chose bio chemo because it on average gives me more time before the cancer could come back. When you have three small children there is nothing that matters more than time. I just want to be with them. To watch them grow. To see them become amazing people. That's all that matters and I would go through literally anything to make that happen.

Will it be awful? Yes. Will I go bald? Yes. Will I be horribly sick? Yes. Does any of that matter if it gives me time? No.

On average if I did no treatment my cancer would come back in about a year. If I did Interferon it would be 1.9 years. If I do bio chemo it's 4.9 years. Bio chemo it is.

I will spend 5 days in the hospital and then be home for 2 weeks. I will repeat that for 3 months. The way I see it is giving 3 months to get 5 years. And maybe I will get more than that. Thing is.. No one knows. I've learned through this whole thing is that I have no control over whether I live or die. All I can do is fight my hardest, enjoy life and be thankful for what I've been given. If I spend every day agonizing over how much time I have left I will waste it. That is no way to live.

So onto the next round of this fight. Truth is, I will spend the rest of my life fighting melanoma. But that's ok.. Because to fight is to be alive.

Tonight after I tuck my kids in bed I will say many prayers of thanks for all my blessings. For all my support, for my healthy kids, for my amazing husband and for a testimony that no matter how this fight ends, I will win. They say feed your faith and your fears will starve. So I will find comfort in my belief that this life is not it and I will one day be with my family again. Whether I have another 50 years here or 5. It's going to be okay.


skinnyminnyme80 (Mary) said...

Ok, now that made me want to cry! Crossing my fingers and toes that all goes well for you, Brittany. Remember who you are fighting for! Hugs!

Van Hoesen Family said...

i am so so glad i "met" you! You have all the same fears I have and then some and continually put everything into perspective for me. You will get through this and i will be rooting you kn along the way :)

Dutson House Happenings said...

Stumbled upon your blog, you are an inspiring person! Thanks for this post.

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